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Argos

Monday September 7, 2020

September 7, 2020 by Graeme MacKay

Fantasy Classic 2020

Illustration by Graeme MacKay, The Hamilton Spectator – Labour Day, September 7, 2020

‘It’s like they made the whole thing up’

The Tiger-Cats, the Argos and their colourful fans provide a 2020 Labour Day Classic completely unlike any before

August 20, 2014

Unless Labour Day is part of your geographic and cultural DNA you’d never assume that a single play more than 30 minutes from the end, could determine the final outcome.

Especially when the margin of victory was the minimum one point and the combined score — Hamilton 57, Toronto 56 — was the highest in CFL in history.

But that’s why when we assume on Labour Day, it makes an ass out of u and me, and not just the Toronto Argonauts. 

There were the Argos presuming they could finally add another chapter to the one of the shortest sports books ever written: Great Argonaut Labour Days. But the smug smell of football assumptions turns into a performance-enhancing drug when the Ticats and their fans inhale even a whiff of it.

Toronto captains Joe Krol had correctly predicted Vic Copps’ coin toss to get the northern gale at their backs for the long fourth quarter, a win-advisory in itself. Ever since Environment Canada designated the stadium a National Wind Tunnel, games have been divided into two distinct personalities: you can score with the wind but not into it.

Which is where the final minute of the first half takes over the story of the 50th Labour Day Classic.

With the Argos riding first-quarter wind advantage to a stunning 44-12 lead, they confidently lined up for a short field-goal attempt into the wind from the Hamilton 20-yard-line. Even a single point would make it a five-score game, and it’s over.

High in the open grandstand, man of the of the people and former Argos owner John Candy, was whooping it up beside his glum Hamilton-raised SCTV buddies Martin Short, Dave Thomas and Eugene Levy, egging on the surly citizens who love him every day but this one.

“I think you meant ‘Don’t Suck!’” he yelled. 

Bad karma, John-Boy.

July 9, 2014

The snap from Norm Stoneburgh, Royal Copeland’s hold, the Lance Chomyc’s powerful swing, the ball soaring 50 feet into the air like a helium balloon … then abruptly plummeting like a lead one as it caught the head wind.

“ I thought I was back in Guelph,” Ticat lineman Mike Filer said.

“I thought I was back in the ’65 Grey Cup,” the Argos’s Dave Raimey and Ticats’ Ellison Kelly said in unison.

Speedy Banks thought he was in returner’s heaven. He caught the ball like an infield fly, dashed past 12 frozen Argos then zigzagged into the South End zone around members of the Ticats Cheer Team who’d prematurely hit the field.

After Troy Davis pounded in the two-point convert everyone, including the instantly-paranoid Argos, knew things had completely changed. Down only 24? On Labour Day? Got ‘em right where we want ‘em.

As Banks tore into the end zone, Evelyn Dick — a season’s ticket holder since the 1950s — dressed all in black screamed with innocent joy.

“I was absolutely out of my head,” she said. then paused “ … just like my husband.”

She was joined in her private box by Johnny Papalia who, like a lot of folks in the Murderer’s Row suites, was there in hologram form only. Deeply-experienced in gory history, they knew what was coming next for the Argos. Down the hall, though, blissfully unaware Toronto mayors Rob Ford, John Tory and Nathan Phillips gloated it over Hamilton’s Lloyd Jackson, Bob Morrow, and Fred Eisenberg.

“They’re just like the fans,” grumbled Ticat owner Harold Ballard. “You can’t get the $#%&*’s to come to regular games, but discounts on Labour Day? You can’t get rid of them.”

Just five minutes before Banks’ 109-yard return Ballard had spontaneously sold the Ticats to Bob Young, muttering “maybe this tech nerd can save them.”

Young immediately asked the Argos to immediately sell him Pinball Clemons for the second half. Clemons had already scored touchdowns in three different ways — by run, by catch and by grinning — but Ticat front office interns, Shawn Burke and Drew Allemang, gently explained why it was against CFL rules.

November 28, 2014

“What kind of business model is that?” Young asked.

By the end of the intermission, Young’s right hand man Scott Mitchell had bought back the stadium naming rights from Krispy Kreme and sold them for five times as much to Ron Joyce and Tim Horton, and through commissioner Randy Ambrosie’s CFL 2.0 Japanese connections, had positioned Hamilton as the default site if Tokyo can’t stage the 2021 Olympics.

Banks’ wind-aided home run sent anticipatory adrenalin surging through the entire stadium, including the halftime massed choir and orchestra. When Crowbar, Terra Lightfoot, Junk House, Frankie Venom and Teenage Head, Arkells, Monster Truck, Garnett and Stan Rogers, and Neil Peart struck their first note, conductor Boris Brott’s glasses disintegrated.

And, over the next 30 minutes, so did the Argonauts. 

The Argos crumbled under a revived and ferocious Hamilton defence, and did not score a second-half point while touching the ball. Ralph Sazio surrendered six safety touches. “Not my first rodeo,” the Ticats’ head coach growled.

Tobin Rote who had combined with Flutie for five touchdown passes in the opening 30 minutes, soon left the game, missing a part of his left ear later found embedded in Angelo Mosca’s face mask.

Meanwhile Danny McManus and Bernie Faloney, sacked a combined eight times in the first half, threw only one incompletion and an interception in the second, while flinging surgical touchdown passes to Hal Patterson, Earl Winfield and Banks. They controlled the clock against the wind too handing off to Willie Bethea, Lee Knight and Bernie Custis, the only guy in the game with a school named after him.

Banks added a punt-return major to his missed field goal and reception touchdowns and scored again when he recovered a fourth-quarter fumble by Dickie Thornton, whose interception seconds earlier should have locked it up, again, for the Argos.

And late in the fourth quarter, Banks lined up deep in the backfield and as Joe Zuger’s punt hit the stiff breeze, caught it on the fly and ran 65 yards for the game-winning touchdown. It was his fifth different method of scoring, equalling in one game the CFL season record set by Ticat Marcus Thigpen.

The Argos still had one last chance, with the wind, at victory. But Garney Henley stepped in front of Mookie Mitchell to pick off Flutie and it was all done. The Ticats outscored Toronto 45-12 in the second half, enough by just one point.

The visuals painted the entire picture. Every Box J Boy, tailgating since Sunday, rendered totally limp; Henley and Banks buried under an avalanche of fans, Custis and Toronto’s Uly Curtis walked off arm in arm; brilliant Argo linebacker Mike O’Shea’s shoulders slumped in dejection, as he stood exactly where he had whenever he wasn’t on the field — which almost the entire second half — on the sidelines, distanced from his safety-conscious teammates, while a ReStore employee picked up the hundreds of tiny batteries Ticats fans had lobbed at him.

What if, he was probably wondering, that first-half place kick hadn’t hit a wall of wind? 

He’ll never know, what if, and neither will we because the 50th Labour Day Classic goes into the books just like another 35 before it. Ho-hum, just another win for the Town Team. (Steve Milton – Hamilton Spectator)

Posted in: Hamilton Tagged: 2020-29, argonauts, Argos, cfl, Classic, Coronavirus, covid-19, dream, fantasy, football, Hamilton, Labour Day, Ontario, pandemic, Pandemic Times, psychedelic, Sports, tiger-cats, Toronto

Friday, November 15, 2013

November 14, 2013 by Graeme MacKay

Friday, November 15, 2013By Graeme MacKay, The Hamilton Spectator – Friday, November 15, 2013

Rob Ford’s comments ‘disappointing’ to Toronto Argonauts

The ongoing saga involving Toronto Mayor Rob Ford spilled over its political banks into the sports world on Thursday.

After his contentious showdown with council on Wednesday, Ford chose to switch up his workday wardrobe Thursday and wore his Toronto Argonauts sweater, complete with “Mayor Ford” on the nameplate and the No. 12, the year the Argos hosted and won the Grey Cup.

But while wearing the sweater to promote this weekend’s CFL East final against the Hamilton Tiger-Cats, Ford made comments on media reports coming from the second round of revelations coming from Toronto Police’s Information To Obtain document. More portions of the document, which were filed as part of the case against Ford’s friend and driver Alexander Lisi, were released by the courts on Wednesday night. Ford’s comments included a profane response to allegations he made sexually explicit comments to a former female staffer, for which he later apologized.

With the Argos preparing on the field Thursday afternoon, preparing for the East Division final — a game against their historic rivals, the Hamilton Tiger-Cats — the team’s media relations officials were pacing the sidelines, tied to their mobile telephones. Questions flooded in from all manners of outlets, but not many relating to football.

The team released a statement expressing their displeasure at being dragged into the the Mayor’s theatre of the absurd.

At the end of Ford’s comments, in which he said he would take legal action against former staffers for their statements made to police, Ford dropped in an Argos game promotion before returning to his dismissal of the information in the ITO.

“And the next thing, I wanna call Mayor [Bob] Bratina in Hamilton and tell him we’re going to spank their little Tiger-Cats.” (Source: National Post)

Friday, November 15, 2013This is the local version of the same cartoon.

 SOCIAL MEDIA

Both versions of this cartoon attracted quite a few likes, shares and comments on Facebook here, and here. It was also mentioned in a piece written in The Toronto Star, Friday, November 15, 2013 by Tech Reporter Raju Mudhar

Posted in: Ontario Tagged: Argos, Bob Bratina, Don Cherry, Editorial Cartoon, Gerald Ford, Hamilton, Jim Flaherty, mascots, mayor, Ontario, profanity, Rob Ford, Santa Claus, Toronto, vulgarity

Tuesday November 27, 2012

November 27, 2012 by Graeme MacKay

By Graeme MacKay, The Hamilton Spectator, Tuesday November 27, 2012

Argos Rise, Ford Falls

Argo fans and Rob Ford detractors celebrate in Toronto

So you thought the Argos winning the 100th Grey Cup at home was just a little too incredible to believe? Well, the storyline gets better, courtesy of Toronto Mayor Rob Ford.

He is an individual who loves football but could be about to get sacked from his job barring the equivalent of a video replay overturning a decision to punt him out of office.

On Monday, Ford, the burly one-time high school centre who still looks the part, was relieved of his mayoralty duties after a judge ruled he broke a Municipal Conflict of Interest Act by taking $3,150 from lobbyists to help fund his private football foundation. Ford was unrepentant in what he had done, both in refusing to abstain from voting on a report by an integrity commissioner to pay back the money and by refusing to admit any wrongdoing in court.

One politician who unsuccessfully ran against him for mayor called the judge’s decision a “touchdown for accountability.”

Ford will be given 14 days to stay on the job and plans to appeal.

But it could be two-and-out for Ford – as in two years on the job with another two still to go had he made it that far.

On Tuesday, Ford will participate in the victory parade for the Argos, who beat the Calgary Stampeders 35-22 at the Rogers Centre on Sunday. The parade will wind through the business section of Toronto and end up at the civic square, where Ford will proclaim November 27, 2012 Toronto Argonauts’ Day. (Source: Sportsbet.ca)

 

Posted in: Canada, Ontario Tagged: Argos, cfl, court, feathers, football, Grey Cup, Nathan Phillips, Ontario, Rob Ford, Tar, Toronto

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