dream

Monday September 7, 2020

Fantasy Classic 2020

Illustration by Graeme MacKay, The Hamilton Spectator – Labour Day, September 7, 2020

‘It’s like they made the whole thing up’

The Tiger-Cats, the Argos and their colourful fans provide a 2020 Labour Day Classic completely unlike any before

August 20, 2014

Unless Labour Day is part of your geographic and cultural DNA you’d never assume that a single play more than 30 minutes from the end, could determine the final outcome.

Especially when the margin of victory was the minimum one point and the combined score — Hamilton 57, Toronto 56 — was the highest in CFL in history.

But that’s why when we assume on Labour Day, it makes an ass out of u and me, and not just the Toronto Argonauts. 

There were the Argos presuming they could finally add another chapter to the one of the shortest sports books ever written: Great Argonaut Labour Days. But the smug smell of football assumptions turns into a performance-enhancing drug when the Ticats and their fans inhale even a whiff of it.

Toronto captains Joe Krol had correctly predicted Vic Copps’ coin toss to get the northern gale at their backs for the long fourth quarter, a win-advisory in itself. Ever since Environment Canada designated the stadium a National Wind Tunnel, games have been divided into two distinct personalities: you can score with the wind but not into it.

Which is where the final minute of the first half takes over the story of the 50th Labour Day Classic.

With the Argos riding first-quarter wind advantage to a stunning 44-12 lead, they confidently lined up for a short field-goal attempt into the wind from the Hamilton 20-yard-line. Even a single point would make it a five-score game, and it’s over.

High in the open grandstand, man of the of the people and former Argos owner John Candy, was whooping it up beside his glum Hamilton-raised SCTV buddies Martin Short, Dave Thomas and Eugene Levy, egging on the surly citizens who love him every day but this one.

“I think you meant ‘Don’t Suck!’” he yelled. 

Bad karma, John-Boy.

July 9, 2014

The snap from Norm Stoneburgh, Royal Copeland’s hold, the Lance Chomyc’s powerful swing, the ball soaring 50 feet into the air like a helium balloon … then abruptly plummeting like a lead one as it caught the head wind.

“ I thought I was back in Guelph,” Ticat lineman Mike Filer said.

“I thought I was back in the ’65 Grey Cup,” the Argos’s Dave Raimey and Ticats’ Ellison Kelly said in unison.

Speedy Banks thought he was in returner’s heaven. He caught the ball like an infield fly, dashed past 12 frozen Argos then zigzagged into the South End zone around members of the Ticats Cheer Team who’d prematurely hit the field.

After Troy Davis pounded in the two-point convert everyone, including the instantly-paranoid Argos, knew things had completely changed. Down only 24? On Labour Day? Got ‘em right where we want ‘em.

As Banks tore into the end zone, Evelyn Dick — a season’s ticket holder since the 1950s — dressed all in black screamed with innocent joy.

“I was absolutely out of my head,” she said. then paused “ … just like my husband.”

She was joined in her private box by Johnny Papalia who, like a lot of folks in the Murderer’s Row suites, was there in hologram form only. Deeply-experienced in gory history, they knew what was coming next for the Argos. Down the hall, though, blissfully unaware Toronto mayors Rob Ford, John Tory and Nathan Phillips gloated it over Hamilton’s Lloyd Jackson, Bob Morrow, and Fred Eisenberg.

“They’re just like the fans,” grumbled Ticat owner Harold Ballard. “You can’t get the $#%&*’s to come to regular games, but discounts on Labour Day? You can’t get rid of them.”

Just five minutes before Banks’ 109-yard return Ballard had spontaneously sold the Ticats to Bob Young, muttering “maybe this tech nerd can save them.”

Young immediately asked the Argos to immediately sell him Pinball Clemons for the second half. Clemons had already scored touchdowns in three different ways — by run, by catch and by grinning — but Ticat front office interns, Shawn Burke and Drew Allemang, gently explained why it was against CFL rules.

November 28, 2014

“What kind of business model is that?” Young asked.

By the end of the intermission, Young’s right hand man Scott Mitchell had bought back the stadium naming rights from Krispy Kreme and sold them for five times as much to Ron Joyce and Tim Horton, and through commissioner Randy Ambrosie’s CFL 2.0 Japanese connections, had positioned Hamilton as the default site if Tokyo can’t stage the 2021 Olympics.

Banks’ wind-aided home run sent anticipatory adrenalin surging through the entire stadium, including the halftime massed choir and orchestra. When Crowbar, Terra Lightfoot, Junk House, Frankie Venom and Teenage Head, Arkells, Monster Truck, Garnett and Stan Rogers, and Neil Peart struck their first note, conductor Boris Brott’s glasses disintegrated.

And, over the next 30 minutes, so did the Argonauts. 

The Argos crumbled under a revived and ferocious Hamilton defence, and did not score a second-half point while touching the ball. Ralph Sazio surrendered six safety touches. “Not my first rodeo,” the Ticats’ head coach growled.

Tobin Rote who had combined with Flutie for five touchdown passes in the opening 30 minutes, soon left the game, missing a part of his left ear later found embedded in Angelo Mosca’s face mask.

Meanwhile Danny McManus and Bernie Faloney, sacked a combined eight times in the first half, threw only one incompletion and an interception in the second, while flinging surgical touchdown passes to Hal Patterson, Earl Winfield and Banks. They controlled the clock against the wind too handing off to Willie Bethea, Lee Knight and Bernie Custis, the only guy in the game with a school named after him.

Banks added a punt-return major to his missed field goal and reception touchdowns and scored again when he recovered a fourth-quarter fumble by Dickie Thornton, whose interception seconds earlier should have locked it up, again, for the Argos.

And late in the fourth quarter, Banks lined up deep in the backfield and as Joe Zuger’s punt hit the stiff breeze, caught it on the fly and ran 65 yards for the game-winning touchdown. It was his fifth different method of scoring, equalling in one game the CFL season record set by Ticat Marcus Thigpen.

The Argos still had one last chance, with the wind, at victory. But Garney Henley stepped in front of Mookie Mitchell to pick off Flutie and it was all done. The Ticats outscored Toronto 45-12 in the second half, enough by just one point.

The visuals painted the entire picture. Every Box J Boy, tailgating since Sunday, rendered totally limp; Henley and Banks buried under an avalanche of fans, Custis and Toronto’s Uly Curtis walked off arm in arm; brilliant Argo linebacker Mike O’Shea’s shoulders slumped in dejection, as he stood exactly where he had whenever he wasn’t on the field — which almost the entire second half — on the sidelines, distanced from his safety-conscious teammates, while a ReStore employee picked up the hundreds of tiny batteries Ticats fans had lobbed at him.

What if, he was probably wondering, that first-half place kick hadn’t hit a wall of wind? 

He’ll never know, what if, and neither will we because the 50th Labour Day Classic goes into the books just like another 35 before it. Ho-hum, just another win for the Town Team. (Steve Milton – Hamilton Spectator)

Friday August 2, 2019

Editorial Cartoon by Graeme MacKay, The Hamilton Spectator – Friday August 2, 2019

A lot at stake for Canadians in this election

July 31, 2008

In a perfect world we should see an election as an outward symbol of something almost sacred, the culmination of generations of struggle for electoral equality and the representation of popular will.

That, of course, is not how it all seems. An election is called, and the usual pundits, consultants, and advisers are wheeled out, many of them seemingly more concerned with winning than with ideas, with what they consider a great game, as they mimic characters from The West Wing, and throw around fog rather than clarity.

Be that as it may, it’s all we’ve got, and we should see it as a moral maze, an opportunity to tread through the lies and the nastiness and reach a place that might, just might, achieve the best for the most. I would never tell anybody who to vote for, but I will suggest some of the stepping-stones in the maze that should be avoided.

July 11, 2019

The People’s Party of Canada borders on the cultish, and is built around one man, Maxime Bernier, who never forgave the Conservatives for failing to elect him as leader. He only lost on the 13th ballot, was still ahead on the 12th, and lost with more than 49 per cent of the vote. He is an angry man, convinced he was the heir apparent denied, at the last moment, his rightful inheritance – and by a much lesser man.

His party has made up policies in a scream of hysterical pragmatism, has become exponentially more right wing, and as such has assembled a list of frequently unattractive and volatile eccentrics as parliamentary candidates. They rely on a dark consensus of ill-informed panic, and while they certainly won’t win the election, they’ve brought into the relative mainstream what was formerly the preserve of the internet basement. Any party that tries to exploit the most hideous aspects of a society – racism, fear, and panic, – should be rejected.

July 17, 2019

Bernier has taken some of the most raw and strange elements away from the Conservatives, but Andrew Scheer still has a number of such people within his ranks. While Scheer makes occasional statements about inclusion and tolerance, he’s been far too slow in jettisoning those who clearly don’t share this view of Canada; for example, his repeated and long-term refusal to march in any Pride parades, in Ottawa or in his riding, has become ridiculous. Attending Pride should not be a party political action, but an affirmation of diversity and a physical statement that LGBTQ people are welcomed and loved. Mr. Scheer, your absence speaks volumes, and your attempts to obfuscate are not convincing anybody.

While Scheer may not be personally responsible, the anti-Trudeau campaign on social media and particularly in Western Canada, is vitriolic and dangerous. I’ve found the Liberals to be disappointing in government, but the visceral personal attacks on the prime minister resemble the worst of U.S. politics. As with the late John McCain’s intervention regarding Barack Obama during the 2008 election, Scheer should make it quite clear that this scandalous vendetta has to stop.

May 28, 2019

The Liberals? In the early days they relied far too heavily on the charisma of their leader, and he was given a very easy run by the media. That all began to change, and various errors and scandals that may have been treated more leniently, and in some cases even forgiven, stuck firm. As always with the Liberals, they promise more than they can deliver, but there have been some tangible successes, particularly for those most in need.

June 11, 2019

The NDP is still the political conscience of Canada, but the problem with consciences is that people tend to listen to them only when it’s convenient. If it were otherwise, the world would be a much better place. As for the Greens, Elizabeth May is arguably the most principled and likeable politician in the country, and it’s a great shame that her honesty sometimes gets her into trouble in this cynical and unforgiving age.

So it begins. As I say, tread through the moral maze carefully, and look beyond the style and the show, the bots and the bullies. It may just be that this one is going to matter more than most.- Michael Coren (Toronto Star) 

Tuesday January 24, 2012

Editorial Cartoon by Graeme MacKay, The Hamilton Spectator – Tuesday January 24, 2012

RIM’s Mike Lazaridis and Jim Balsillie resign

Smartphone pioneers Jim Balsillie and Mike Lazaridis are stepping down from their chief executive roles at struggling BlackBerry-maker Research in Motion Ltd. in a dramatic shakeup that will see Thorsten Heins take the leadership reins as CEO.

But despite a more than two-thirds decline in RIM’s share price over the past year, Heins signalled that he will largely stay the course set by Balsillie and Lazaridis, who will remain significant shareholders and continue to hold seats on the Waterloo company’s board of directors.

“Mike and Jim took a bold step 18 months ago when RIM purchased QNX to shepherd the transformation of the BlackBerry platform for the next decade,” Heins, who will sit on the board, said in a news release. “We are more confident than ever that was the right path.”

In an interview with the Star Sunday night, Heins blasted critics who have dismissed RIM as yesterday’s company, saying it’s still a solid financial performer.

“The perception just doesn’t match the reality,” Heins told the Star. “We’ve got $1.5 billion in the bank, and virtually no debt. We’ve also got a 75 million subscriber base.”

A plummeting share in the U.S. smartphone market isn’t the only measuring stick RIM should be judged by, Heins said.

“It’s not just smartphones. We’ve got a data network, we’ve got services,” said Heins. “In a lot of countries around the world, we’re the No. 1 smartphone maker. In the U.S., yes, there’s a challenge.” (Source: Toronto Star) 

 

Thursday July 31, 2008

Editorial Cartoon by Graeme MacKay, Editorial Cartoonist, The Hamilton Spectator – Thursday July 31, 2008

Harper challenges Dion to Force Election

Liberal Leader Stéphane Dion should “fish or cut bait” on a fall election, Prime Minister Stephen Harper said during a speech delivered to Conservative party members in Quebec on Wednesday evening.

Harper said his opponent should stop delaying the current work of government with futile election threats unless he is prepared to force a vote, which Dion has recently hinted at.

“Either let the current Parliament work and let us get on with our mandate, or the voters themselves will decide,” Harper said to about 1,500 people at the Saint-Agapit arena, southwest of Quebec City.

Some observers have suggested that following this spring’s whirl of election rhetoric and with the release of the Liberals’ Green Shift environmental plan in June, Dion is preparing to go to the polls this autumn.

Last week, the Liberal leader said Canadians seemed readier than ever for a vote.

But Harper, speaking in the midst of a Tory summer caucus meeting in Lévis, Que., said he and the Conservative party are ready for anything Dion wants to throw their way.

“Friends, I see Mr. Dion is challenging me to debate his carbon tax,” Harper said in French, referring to the Liberal plan to impose a tax on emissions in order to reduce the use of fossil fuels by Canadian industries and homeowners.

“If Mr. Dion wants a real debate — not just among politicians but a debate open to everybody — all he has to do is follow through on his latest threat to force an election.” (Source: CBC News)